一场春梦不分明

合肥这几天是有点料峭的倒春寒天气，不似冬日的酷烈，但那种潮湿的凉意总教人在夜间睡不安稳，全没有“枕上轻寒窗外雨，眼前春色梦中人”的倦然甜酣。

几年前读过契诃夫的剧本《海鸥》，但已经全部忘记，连是喜剧结尾抑或悲剧收场都没有了一点印象。最近开始读他的短篇集，有熟悉的《万卡》和《套中人》，前者在小学的语文课本里收录过，当年只把兴趣集中在那条青鱼和举着星星四处走的平安夜上，所以这次重读时，那结尾轻而易举地击溃了我。他极善于描绘恍惚难言的痛苦和忧虑，比如《苦恼》，比如《匿名的故事》，我们常常感觉到，我们说不出来，读过他的小说，我们得到抚慰，但也还有忧伤。

契诃夫，托尔斯泰，屠格涅夫，他们的文字并不华丽，故事并不奇巧，我常常感觉到阅读的倦怠却终于不能释卷，原因或许是被俄罗斯文学所独有的那种深沉广博的忧郁感所浸染所席卷。冬天广漠的雪野，夏夜的鸢尾与夜莺，比别处更加犀利严酷，亦比别处更加繁茂芬芳。

 

背景音乐是《I've seen it all》，非常喜欢它的歌词。

I've seen it all, I have seen the trees,
I've seen the willow leaves dancing in the breeze
I've seen a man killed by his best friend,
And lives that were over before they were spent.
I've seen what I was - I know what I'll be
I've seen it all - there is no more to see!
You haven't seen elephants, kings or Peru!
I'm happy to say I had better to do
What about China? Have you seen the Great Wall?
All walls are great, if the roof doesn't fall!
And the man you will marry?
The home you will share?
To be honest, I really don't care...

You've never been to Niagara Falls?
I have seen water, its water, that's all...
The Eiffel Tower, the Empire State?
My pulse was as high on my very first date!
Your grandson's hand as he plays with your hair?
To be honest, I really don't care...
I've seen it all, I've seen the dark
I've seen the brightness in one little spark.
I've seen what I chose and I've seen what I need,
And that is enough, to want more would be greed.
I've seen what I was and I know what I'll be
I've seen it all - there is no more to see!
You've seen it all and all you have seen
You can always review on your own little screen
The light and the dark, the big and the small
Just keep in mind - you need no more at all
You've seen what you were and know what you'll be
You've seen it all - there is no more to see!

几百里以外的故乡，矮墙上的忍冬是否已经新开了几枝，当年采摘覆盆子的小路是否被斜曳过来的藤蔓覆盖，苍紫的暮云晚山是否也在某个人的眼睛里许久地倒映定格，还有清澈潺缓的溪流，黄昏时候河岸边苇草的清香，春夜的月光辽远温柔地流淌下来，蛙鸣覆盖了田园，落着微雨的清晨，有只鸟在窗后紫薇的枝头，宛转了一声，然后飞去。——不是今年，也不是去年。