: Targeting me won't get their money back. I knew the mob wouldn't go down without a fight, but this is different. They crossed the line.
: You crossed the line first, sir. You squeezed them, you hammered them to the point of desperation. And in their desperation they turned to a man they didn't fully understand.
: Criminals aren't complicated, Alfred. Just have to figure out what he's after.
: With respect, sir, perhaps this is a man that *you* don't fully understand.
: Dent. Jesus. I thought you was dead.
: Half.
: The famous Bruce Wayne. Rachel's told me everything about you.
: I certainly hope not.
: Oh, criminals in this town used to believe in things. Honor. Respect. Look at you! What do you believe in, huh? WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE IN?
[Bozo leans down and sticks a grenade in the manager's mouth]
: I believe whatever doesn't kill you, simply makes you...
[takes off his mask]
: ...stranger.
: [regarding The Joker] What do we got?
: Nothing. No matches on prints, DNA, dental. Clothing is custom, no labels. Nothing in his pockets but knives and lint. No name, no other alias.
[stumbles out of wrecked truck]
: [to Batman] Come on, I want you to do it, I want you to do it. Come on, hit me. *Hit me!*
: So why do they call him "The Joker"?
: I heard he wears make-up.
: Make-up?
: Yeah, to scare people. You know, war paint.
: Alfred, right?
: That's right, sir.
: Yeah, Rachel talks about you all the time. You've known her, her whole life!
: Oh, not yet, sir.
: Heh heh heh. Any psychotic ex-boyfriends I should be aware of?
: [smiles] Oh, you have no idea.
: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. We are tonight's entertainment! I only have one question. Where is Harvey Dent?
[nobody responds; The Joker walks around the room pointing with his shotgun at everyone]
: You know where Harvey is? You know who he is?
[grabs a man's face]
: You know where I can find Harvey? I need to talk to him about something. Just something, a little.
[turns the man's face away]
: No...
: [to The Joker] You wanted me, here I am.
: You know that day that you once told me about, when Gotham would no longer need Batman? It's coming.
: Bruce. You can't ask me to wait for that.
: It's happening now. Harvey is that hero. He locked up half of the city's criminals, and he did it without wearing a mask. Gotham needs a hero with a face.
[Lau announces that he's removed all the mob's cash from their banks before the police raid, and stashed them in a secure location]
: Now, obviously, no one except me can know the location for now. But rest assured, your money is safe.
[From outside comes the sound of loud, fake laughter. The mob bosses turn and see the Joker enter]
: And I thought my jokes were bad.
: A long time ago, I was in Burma, my friends and I were working for the local government. They were trying to buy the loyalty of tribal leaders by bribing them with precious stones. But their caravans were being raided in a forest north of Rangoon by a bandit. So we went looking for the stones. But in six months, we never found anyone who traded with him. One day I saw a child playing with a ruby the size of a tangerine. The bandit had been throwing them away.
: Then why steal them?
: Because he thought it was good sport. Because some men aren't looking for anything logical, like money. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn.
: You know, I'll settle for his loved ones.
: We're not intimidated by thugs!
: [as he smacks his lips] You know, you remind me of my father.
[the Joker pulls out his switchblade and brings it to the Gentleman's mouth]
: I hated my father!
: [off-screen] Okay, stop!
[turns to face Rachel, tosses the Gentleman to his thugs and approaches Rachel, adjusting his hair with the knife]
: Well, hello, beautiful. You must be Harvey's squeeze, hm? And you *are* beautiful.
[the Joker hovers around the incredibly nervous Rachel]
: Well, you look nervous. Is it the scars? You want to know how I got 'em?
[He grabs Rachel's head and positions the knife by her mouth]
: Come here. Hey! Look at me. So I had a wife, beautiful, like you, who tells me I worry too much. Who tells me I ought to smile more. Who gambles and gets in deep with the sharks... Look at me! One day, they carve her face. And we have no money for surgeries. She can't take it. I just want to see her smile again, hm? I just want her to know that I don't care about the scars. So... I stick a razor in my mouth and do this...
[the Joker mimics slicing his mouth open with his tongue]
: ...to myself. And you know what? She can't stand the sight of me! She leaves. Now I see the funny side. Now I'm always smiling!
[Rachel knees the Joker in the groin; he merely laughs it off]
: A little fight in you. I like that.
: [off-screen] Then you're going to love me.
[attacks him]
: It's a funny world we live in. Speaking of which, do you know how I got these scars?
: No! But I know how you got these!
[bumps along while driving hijacked truck]
: I like this job - I like it!
[first lines]
: [before a bank heist] Three of a kind, let's do this.
: That's it, three guys?
: Two guys on the roof. Every guy gets a share. Five shares is plenty.
: Six shares, don't forget the guy who planned the job.
: He thinks he can sit it out and still take a slice? I know why they call him "The Joker."
: And... here… we... go!
: Oh, you. You just couldn't let me go, could you? This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. You are truly incorruptible, aren't you? Huh? You won't kill me out of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness. And I won't kill you because you're just too much fun. I think you and I are destined to do this forever.
: You'll be in a padded cell forever.
: Maybe we can share one. You know, they'll be doubling up, the rate this city's inhabitants are losing their minds.
: This city just showed you that it's full of people ready to believe in good.
: Until their spirit breaks completely. Until they get a good look at the real Harvey Dent and all the heroic things he's done. You didn't think I'd risk losing the battle for Gotham's soul in a fistfight with you? No. You need an ace in the hole. Mine's Harvey.
: What did you do?
: I took Gotham's white knight and I brought him down to our level. It wasn't hard. You see, madness, as you know, is like gravity. All it takes is a little push!
[the Joker laughs hysterically as Batman races off and the cops come to take the Joker into custody]
: [to Harvey Dent] Everyone knows you're Gotham's White Knight.
: [to Det. Stephens] Do you want to know why I use a knife? Guns are too quick. You can't savor all the... little emotions. In... you see, in their last moments, people show you who they really are. So in a way, I know your friends better than you ever did. Would you like to know which of them were cowards?
[last lines]
: Why's he running, Dad?
: Because we have to chase him.
: He didn't do anything wrong.
: Because he's the hero Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So we'll hunt him because he can take it. Because he's not our hero. He's a silent guardian, a watchful protector. A dark knight.
[***SPOILER*** the Joker pins Batman, in view of the two rigged ferries]
: We really should stop fighting, we'll miss the fireworks!
: There aren't going to be any fireworks!
: And here... we... go!
[Silence. Nothing happens. Confused, Joker turns to look at the clock, which shows that it's past midnight and neither ferry has blown the other up]
: What were you hoping to prove? That, deep down, everyone's as ugly as you? You're *alone*!
: [sighs] Can't rely on anyone these days...
: What are you going to do with all your money?
: See, I'm a man of simple tastes. I like dynamite, and gunpowder...
[the Chechen watches, appalled, as Joker's thugs pour gasoline on his mountain of cash]
: And gasoline! Do you know what all of these things have in common? They're cheap!
[repeated line]
: Wanna know how I got these scars?
: Beautiful, isn't it?
: Beautiful. Unethical. DANGEROUS. You've turned every cellphone in Gotham into a microphone.
: And a high-frequency generator-receiver.
: You took my sonar concept and applied it to every phone in the city. With half the city feeding you sonar, you can image all of Gotham. This is wrong.
: I've gotta find this man, Lucius.
: At what cost?
: The database is null-key encrypted. It can only be accessed by one person.
: This is too much power for one person.
: That's why I gave it to you. Only you can use it.
: Spying on 30 million people isn't part of my job description.
: I want... my phone call. I want it. I want it! I want my phone call!
: That's nice.
: How many of your friends have I killed?
: I'm a twenty-year man. I can tell the difference between punks who need a little lesson in manners, and the freaks like you who just enjoy it.
[pause]
: And you've killed six of my friends.
[Joker, pretending amazement, mouths "six?"]
: [holds camera facing himself] See, this is how crazy Batman's made Gotham! If you want order in Gotham, Batman must take off his mask and turn himself in. Oh, and every day he doesn't, people will die, starting tonight. I'm a man of my word.
[laughs]
: Harvey, Harvey, Harvey Dent. Ohh, excuse me, I want to drive!
[gets behind the wheel of a semi truck]
: What do you propose?
: It's simple. We, uh, kill the Batman.
[mobsters laugh]
: If it's so simple, why haven't you done it already?
: If you're good at something, never do it for free.
: I suppose they'll lock me up as well. As your accomplice...
: Accomplice? I'm going to tell them the whole thing was your idea.
: [after The Joker threatens to blow up a hospital via TV] Do you think I should go to the hospital?
: You don't watch a whole lot of news, do you, Mr. Wayne?
: Tell your son it's going to be okay, Gordon. Lie, like I lied.
: [over the PA] Tonight you're all gonna be part of a social experiment. Through the magic of diesel fuel and ammonium nitrate, I'm ready right now to blow you all sky high. Anyone attempts to get off their boat, you all die. Each of you has a remote... to blow up the other boat. At midnight, I blow you all up. If, however, one of you presses the button, I'll let that boat live. So, who's it going to be: Harvey Dent's most wanted scumbag collection, or the sweet and innocent civilians? You choose... oh, and you might want to decide quickly, because the people on the other boat might not be so noble.
: Did Batman save you, Daddy?
: Actually, this time I saved him.
: They'll hunt you.
: You'll hunt me. You'll condemn me. Set the dogs on me. Because that's what needs to happen.
[the Batpod charges]
: Ooohhh. You want to play. Come on!
: [nervously] Look, take it up with the Joker. He's the one who killed your woman, who made you what you are.
: The Joker's just a mad dog. I want whoever let him off the leash.
[after Batman saves Rachel from falling out of a window]
: You all right?
: Let's not do that again.
: Look, if I tell you, will you let me go?
: Can't hurt your chances.
: It was Ramirez.
[Two-Face pulls the coin out and cocks his gun]
: [panicking] But you said...
: I said it couldn't hurt your chances.
[flips coin; good side]
: You're a lucky man.
[flips again; bad side]
: He's not.
: Who?
: [buckles seat belt] Your driver.
[He shoots the driver in the back; the car goes flying off the road]
: What about getting back into the plane?
: I'd recommend a good travel agent.
: Without it landing.
: [smiles] Now that's more like it, Mr. Wayne.
: Know your limits, Master Wayne.
: Batman has no limits.
: Well, you do, sir.
: Well, can't afford to know 'em.
: You have nothing, nothing to threaten me with. Nothing to do with all your strength.
: You don't want to hurt the boy, Harvey.
: It's not about what I want, it's about what's fair!
: [after running into Harvey and Rachel at a restaurant] So, let's put a couple tables together.
: I'm not sure they'll let us.
: Oh, they should. I own the place.
: How could you want to raise children in a city like this?
: Well, I grew up in Gotham, and I turned out all right.
: You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.
: [Batman holds him out over a ledge] From one professional to another, if you're trying to scare somebody, pick a better spot. From this height, the fall wouldn't kill me.
: I'm counting on it.
[he drops Maroni off the ledge, breaking his legs]
: The night is darkest just before the dawn. And I promise you, the dawn is coming.
[Wayne Enterprises accountant Coleman Reese believes that he's discovered Batman's secret identity, and is trying to blackmail Fox]
: Let me get this straight: You think that your client, one of the wealthiest, most powerful men in the world, is secretly a vigilante who spends his nights beating criminals to a pulp with his bare hands. And your plan is to blackmail this person? Good luck.
[Batman has just fought off Scarecrow and a group of Batman wannabes]
: Don't let me find you out here again.
: We're trying to help you!
: I don't need help.
: Not in my diagnosis!
: What gives you the right? What's the difference between you and me?
[Batman lowers himself into the Batmobile]
: I'm not wearing hockey pads!
[while cross-examining one of Maroni's thugs on the witness stand, the thug pulls a gun and fires it at Harvey Dent; it mis-fires, and Harvey decks the thug with a right cross, and takes the gun away]
: Carbon fiber, .28 Caliber, made in China.
[puts it on the table in front of Maroni]
: If you want to kill a public servant, Mr. Maroni, I recommend you buy American.
: [to policemen holding the thug] Get him out of here!
: But, Your Honor, I'm not done.
[cheers from the gallery]
: Can't we go someplace quieter? We can't hear each other talk.
: What makes you think I want to hear you talk?
: You're crazy.
: I'm not. No, I'm not.
: Then why do you want to kill me?
: [laughs] I don't want to kill you! What would I do without you? Go back to ripping off mob dealers? No, no, NO! No. You... you... complete me.
: You're garbage who kills for money.
: Don't talk like one of them. You're not! Even if you'd like to be. To them, you're just a freak, like me! They need you right now, but when they don't, they'll cast you out, like a leper! You see, their morals, their code, it's a bad joke. Dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you. When the chips are down, these... these civilized people, they'll eat each other. See, I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve.
: People are dying, Alfred. What would you have me do?
: Endure, Master Wayne. Take it. They'll hate you for it, but that's the point of Batman, he can be the outcast. He can make the choice that no one else can make, the right choice.
: Well today I found out what Batman can't do. He can't endure this. Today you get to say "I told you so."
: Today, I don't want to.
[pauses for several moments]
: But I did bloody tell you.
: If we don't deal with this now, soon little, uh, Gambol here won't be able to get a nickel for his grandma.
: [explodes] Enough from the clown!
[He rises to his feet; Joker does too, opening his coat to reveal a cluster of grenades, attached to a string around his thumb]
: Ah-ta-ta-ta! Let's not *blow* this out of proportion.
: You think you can steal from us and just walk away?
: Yeah.
: That was a very brave thing you did.
: Trying to catch the light?
: So you weren't protecting the van?
: [pretending to be oblivious] Why? Who's in it?
: They're trying to kill me!
: Well, maybe Batman will save you.
: [after bringing out a man under the influence of fear toxin] Look at what your drugs did to my customers.
: Buyer beware. I told you my compound would take you places. I never said they'd be places you wanted to go.
: My business... repeat customers...
: If you don't like what I have to offer, you can buy from someone else. Assuming Batman left anyone to buy from.
: You thought we could be decent men in an indecent time. But you were wrong. The world is cruel, and the only morality in a cruel world is chance.
[holds up his coin]
: Unbiased. Unprejudiced. Fair.
: It emits a high-frequency pulse for mapping an environment and records a response time.
: Sonar. Just like a...
: Like a submarine, Mr. Wayne. Like a submarine.
: [about the Joker] Where is he?
: Nobody knows, he came to us!
: He must have friends!
: [incredulous] Friends? Have you met this guy?
: [Batman slams The Joker’s head on a table] Never start with the head, the victim gets all fuzzy.
: Those mob fools want you gone so they can get back to the way things were. But I know the truth: there's no going back. You've changed things... forever.
: Where is Dent?
: You have all these rules and you think they'll save you.
: [Batman slams the Joker against a wall] He's in control.
: I have one rule.
: Then that's the rule you'll have to break to know the truth.
: Which is?
: The only sensible way to live in this world is without rules. And tonight you're gonna break your one rule.
: I'm considering it.
: No, there's only minutes left, so you're gonna have to play my little game if you want to save one of them.
: [regarding The Joker's threat on his life] You're unlikely to discover this for yourself, so take my word, the police commissioner gets a lot of threats. I found the appropriate response to these situations a long time ago.
[pulls out a bottle of whiskey and glass]
: [to The Joker] We got you, you son of a bitch!
: I had a vision, of a world without Batman. The mob ground out a little profit and the police tried to shut them down, one block at a time. And it was so... boring. I've had a change of heart. I don't want Mr. Reese spoiling everything, but why should I have all the fun? Let's give someone else a chance. If Coleman Reese isn't dead in sixty minutes then I blow up a hospital.
: Are you the real Batman?
: No.
: No? Then why do you dress like him?
: He's a symbol... that we don't have to be afraid of scum like you.
: Yeah, you do, Brian. You *really* do!
: We made it!
: Tell your men they work for me now. This is my city.
: They won't work for a freak...
: [mocking his accent] A freak...
[pulls out his switchblade and tosses it to some goons, who grab the Chechen]
: Why don't we cut you up into little pieces and feed you to your pooches? Hmm? And then we'll see how loyal a hungry dog really is. It's not about money... it's about sending a message. Everything burns!
: Harvey Dent never made it home.
: Of course not.
: What have you done with him?
: Me? I was right here.
[holds up his arms in handcuffs]
: Who did you leave him with? Your people? Assuming, of course, they are still *your* people, and not Maroni's. Does it depress you, commissioner? To know just how alone you really are? Does it make you feel responsible for Harvey Dent's current predicament?
: Where is he?
: What's the time?
: What difference does that make?
: Well, depending on the time, he may in one spot, or several.
: If we're gonna play games...
[takes off Joker's handcuffs]
: I'm gonna need a cup of coffee.
: Ah, the good cop, bad cop routine?
: Not exactly.
[During a bank heist, the Joker has tricked all his men into killing each other, one after the other. One of the last ones, getting wise, points his gun at another thug, who still has his mask on]
: I'm betting The Joker told you to kill me soon as we loaded the cash.
: No. No, no, no. I kill the bus driver.
: [confused] Bus driver? What bus dri-?
[a school bus drives through the wall and kills Grumpy]
: Dent is in there with them! We have to save Dent! *I* have to save Dent!
: [to the mob after performing his "magic trick"] Oh, and by the way, the suit, it wasn't cheap. You oughta know, you bought it.
: [speaking to Harvey Dent] If I didn't work with cops you investigated while you were making your name at I.A. I'd be working alone. I don't get political points for being an idealist, I have to do the best I can with what I have.
: I need a new suit.
: Yeah, three buttons is a little '90's, Mr. Wayne.
: I'm not talking fashion, Mr. Fox, so much as function.
[hands him a diagram]
: You want to be able to turn your head.
: Sure would make backing out of the driveway easier.
: Who's stupid enough to steal from us?
: Some two-bit whack-job. Wears a cheap purple suit and make-up. He's not the problem. He's a nobody.
: How will it hold up against dogs?
: We talking Rottweilers or Chihuahuas? Should do fine against cats.
: I thought the D.A. just played golf with the mayor, things like that?
: Tee off's one-thirty, more than enough time to put you away for life, Sally.
: It's a shame Sal's going to walk.
: Yeah, well, the good thing about the mob is they keep giving you second chances.
: You look tired, Alfred. You'll be all right without me?
: [looking at all the sunbathing women] You can tell me the Russian for, "apply your own bloody suntan lotion."
: [to The Joker] Give me one reason why I shouldn't have my boy here pull your head off.
: How about a magic trick?
[pulls out a pencil and sticks it upright into the table]
: I'm gonna make this pencil disappear.
[Gambol's thug walks over to kill The Joker, who slams his face into the pencil and kills him]
: Ta-daa! It's... it's gone.
[***SPOILER*** The Joker has rigged two ferries to explode, one filled with prison inmates, one with ordinary people, giving each ferry one detonator and telling them they have to blow up the other, or he'll blow up both. A prisoner approaches the warden, who's holding the detonator]
: You don't want to die, but you don't know how to take a life. Give it to me; these men would kill you, and take it anyway. Give it to me. You can tell 'em I took it by force. Give it to me, and I'll do what you shoulda did ten minutes ago.
[Scared, the warden hands over the detonator. The prisoner looks at it, then throws it out the window]
: [regarding CCTV photos of The Joker's bank heist] He can't resist showing us his face.
: What's he hiding under that make-up?
: Look at these ugly bastards.
: I don't feel good.
: You're a cop killer. You're lucky to be feeling anything below the neck.
: [to Batman who is interrogating him about The Joker] No one's gonna tell you anything. They're wise to your act. You got rules. The Joker, he's got no rules. No one's gonna cross him for you. You want this guy, you got one way. And you already know what that is. Just take off that mask and let him come find you. Or do you want to let a couple more people get killed while you make your mind?
: What happened to Rachel wasn't chance. We decided to act! We three!
: Then why was it me who was the only one who lost everything?
: It wasn't.
: The Joker chose ME!
: Because you were the best of us! He wanted to prove that even someone as good as you could fall.
: [bitter] And he was right.
[Gordon and the police arrive to arrest Maroni]
: You sure you wanna embarrass me in front of my friends, Lieutenant?
: Oh, don't worry. They're coming too.
: [speaking to Batman] I wanted to see what you'd do. And you didn't disappoint... You let five people die. Then, you let Dent take your place. Even to a guy like me, that's cold...
: You can *not* leave me alone with these people.
: The whole mob's after you, and you're worried about *these* guys?
: Yea, well, compared to *these* guys, the mob doesn't scare me.
: The bandit, in the forest in Burma, did you catch him?
: Yes.
: How?
: We burned the forest down.
: [kidnapped by the Joker, Engel is reading a prepared statement] "I'm Mike Engel for Gotham Tonight. What does it take to make you people join in? You failed to kill the lawyer. I've got to get you off the bench..."
: Bench...
: "And into the game."
: ...game.
: "Come nightfall, this city is mine..."
: Mine...
: "... and anyone left here plays by my rules."
: ...rules.
: "If you don't want to be in the game... get out now.
: ...get out now
: But the bridge and tunnel crowd are sure in for a surprise. Ha ha ha ha."
[Joker laughs]
: [letter to Bruce] Dear Bruce; I need to explain. I need to be honest and clear. I'm going to marry Harvey Dent. I love him. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. When I told you that if Gotham no longer needed Batman we could be together, I meant it. But I'm not sure the day will come when *you* will no longer need Batman. I hope it does and if it does I will be there, but only as your *friend.* I'm sorry to let you down. If you lose your faith in me, please keep your faith in people. Love, now and always, - Rachel.
: You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain. I can do those things because I'm not a hero, like Dent. I killed those people. That's what I can be
: No, you can't! You're not!
: I'm whatever Gotham needs me to be.
: Remember that name you all had for me when I was at Internal Affairs? What was it, Gordon?
: Harvey, I...
: Say it. Say it!
: Two-Face. Harvey Two-Face.
[Harvey turns his head, revealing the scarred side of his face]
: Why should I hide who I am?
: You and your kind, all you care about is money. This city deserves a better class of criminal. And I'm gonna give it to them!
[during the bank heist]
: Here comes the silent alarm...
[disables it]
: And there it goes. That's funny, it didn't dial out to 9-1-1. It was trying to reach a private number.
: Is it a problem?
: Nah, I'm done here.
[Dopey shoots him]
[during the bank heist, Bozo subdues the terrified customers and employees by putting grenades in their hands and pulling the pins]
: Obviously, we don't want you doing anything with your hands except hanging on for dear life!
[During the bank heist, the bank manager produces a shotgun and starts blasting away. Bozo and Grumpy dive for cover]
: Do you have any idea who you're stealing from? You and your friends are dead!
: He's out, right?
[Bozo thinks a moment, then nods. Grumpy stands and takes aim, only to take the manager's last round in his shoulder, allowing Bozo to shoot the manager in the leg]
: Where did you learn to count?
[examining one of the gauntlets for his new and improved Batsuit, Bruce presses a button, and the spikes are launched across the room, narrowly missing Fox before they bury themselves in the wall]
: Maybe you want to read the instruction manual first.
: [sheepish] Sorry.
[the Bat-Signal appears in the sky]
: This is why we bring dogs!
[watching news of Lau's capture on the television]
: With word out, we hire the clown.
[the other mobsters look doubtful]
: He was right. We have to fix real problem: Batman.
: [about Lau] If I get him to you, can you get him to talk?
: I'll get him to sing.
: We're going after the mob's life savings. Things will get ugly.
: I knew the risks when I took this job, Lieutenant.
[turns back to Batman]
: How will you get him back? Any-?
[Batman has disappeared]
: He does that.
: [to Joker] Let her go!
: [holding Rachel out of a window] Very poor choice of words...
: [to Gambol's thugs, being held helpless by his own] Now, our operation is small, but there's a lot of potential for "aggressive" expansion. So, which one of you fine gentlemen would like to join our team? Oh, there's only one spot open right now, so we're gonna have...
[breaks pool cue over knee]
: Tryouts.
[throws broken pool cue at the thugs]
: Make it fast.
[Batman slams The Joker's head on a table]
: Never start with the head, the victim gets all fuzzy.
[Batman slams a fist down on Joker's hand]
: [pretends not to feel it] See?
: Well, I guess no answer is a no.
: Harvey...
: It's someone else, isn't it?
: Harvey...
: Just tell me it's not Wayne, the guy's a complete...
[Bruce comes up behind him and grabs him in a chokehold]
: What are you doing?
: [as Harvey falls unconscious] They're coming for him!
: It was your men, your plan!
: Do I really look like a guy with a plan? You know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it. You know, I just... do things. The mob has plans, the cops have plans, Gordon's got plans. You know, they're schemers. Schemers trying to control their little worlds. I'm not a schemer. I try to show the schemers how pathetic their attempts to control things really are. So, when I say... Ah, come here.
[takes Dent's hand into his own]
: When I say that you and your girlfriend was nothing personal, you know that I'm telling the truth. It's the schemers that put you where you are. You were a schemer, you had plans, and look where that got you.
[Dent tries to grab the Joker]
: I just did what I do best. I took your little plan and I turned it on itself. Look what I did to this city with a few drums of gas and a couple of bullets. Hmmm? You know... You know what I've noticed? Nobody panics when things go "according to plan." Even if the plan is horrifying! If, tomorrow, I tell the press that, like, a gang banger will get shot, or a truckload of soldiers will be blown up, nobody panics, because it's all "part of the plan." But when I say that one little old mayor will die, well then everyone loses their minds!
[Joker hands Two-Face a gun and points it at himself]
: Introduce a little anarchy. Upset the established order, and everything becomes chaos. I'm an agent of chaos. Oh, and you know the thing about chaos? It's fair!
[still holding the gun, Two-Face pauses and takes out his coin]
: [showing the unscarred side] You live.
: Mm-hmm.
: [flips, showing the scarred side] You die.
: Mmm, now we're talking.
: [to the Chechen] Tell your men they work for me now. This is my city.
: They won't work... for a FREAK!
: [pulls out a knife] Why don't we cut you up into little pieces and feed you to your pooches, hmm? And then we'll see how loyal a hungry dog REALLY is!
: [half to himself] Its not about money... its about sending a message.
: [dialing on a cell phone while a mountain of money burns behind him] Everything burns!
: Let's put a smile on that face!
[as the Batman wanna-be's attack the drug deal]
: That's not him.
[Mayhem ensues, with lots of gunfire]
: Loose the dogs!
[after more fighting, the Batmobile crashes into the garage]
: That's more like it!
[after crashing the bus into the bank and running over Grumpy]
Bus Driver: School's out, time to go!
[laughs]
Bus Driver: Cat's not getting up, is he?
[He and Bozo load the duffels into the bus]
Bus Driver: That's a lot of money.
[pause]
Bus Driver: What happened to the rest of the guys?
[Bozo casually shoots the bus driver dead, then picks up the last duffel and throws it into the bus]
: Because sometimes the truth isn't good enough.
[Alfred burns the envelope from Rachel]
: Sometimes, people deserve more.
: [after cracking open the bank's safe] They wired this thing up with, like, 5,000 volts. What kind of bank does that?
: A mob bank. I guess the Joker is as crazy as they say. Where's the alarm guy?
: Boss told me, when the guy was done, I should take him out. One less share, right?
: Funny, he told me something similar.
: What...?
[turns]
: No, no, no-!
[Grumpy shoots him]
: [looks at the large gash on Bruce's arm] Did you get mauled by a tiger?
: [quietly] It was a dog.
: Huh?
: It was a big dog!
[pause]
: More copycats last night, Alfred, with guns.
: Why don't you hire them and take the weekend off?
: All right. So, listen. Why don't you give me a call when you want to start taking things a little more seriously? Here's my card.
[He holds up a Joker card and places it on the table]
: Let's wind the clocks back a year. These cops and lawyers wouldn't dare cross any of you. I mean, what happened? Did, did your balls drop off? Hm? You see, a guy like me...
: Freak!
[mobsters laugh]
: [ignoring] A guy like me... Look, listen. I know why you choose to have your little...
[clears throat]
: ...group therapy sessions in broad daylight. I know why you're afraid to go out at night... The Batman. See, Batman has shown Gotham your true colors, unfortunately. Dent? He's just the beginning.
[indicates Lau on the video phone]
: And as for the television's so-called "plan?" Batman has no "jurisdiction." He'll find him and make him squeal! I know the squealers when I see them, and...
[He indicates Lau again, who hurriedly turns off the picture]
: Will you be wanting the Batpod, sir?
: In the middle of the day, Alfred? Not very subtle.
: The Lamborghini, then.
[with deadpan sarcasm]
: Much more subtle.
: If you're good at something never do it for free.
: No, I really came to tell you that our business deal has to be put on hold. You see, we can't afford to be seen to do business with whatever it is you're accused of being. I'm sure a businessman of your stature will understand.
: I think, Mr. Fox, a simple phone call might have sufficed.
: Mr. Wayne didn't want you to think that he was deliberately wasting your time.
: Just accidentally wasting it.
: That's very good, Mr. Lau. Accidentally. Very good.
: No more dead cops!
: That's not good!
[Police helicopter crashes into the road]
: Okay, that's not good!
: You thought we could be decent men, in an indecent time! You were wrong. The world is cruel, and the only morality in a cruel world is chance. Unbiased, unprejudiced... fair. His son's got the same chance she had, 50/50.
: What happened to Rachel wasn't chance, we decided to act. We three.
: Then why was it me who lost everything?
: It wasn't...
: Did she believe you?
: Yes.
: Of course she did. Because she trusts you. Just like Rachel trusted you.
: I didn't know...
: What they were going to do to me? You're the second cop to say that to me tonight. What, *exactly*, did you think they were going to do to me?
: They got me early. My mother's hospital bills...
: Don't!
[He flips his coin]
: [crying] I'm sorry...
[the coin lands good side up]
: Live to fight another day, Detective.
[he punches her unconscious]
: But this is a democracy Harvey...
: When their enemies were at the gates, the Romans would suspend democracy and appoint one man to protect the city. It wasn't considered an honor, it was considered a public service.
: Harvey, the last man who they appointed the Republic was named Caesar and he never gave up his power.
: Okay, fine. you either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.
: [holding a knife inside Gambol's mouth] Wanna know how I got these scars? My father was... a drinker. And a fiend. And one night he goes off crazier than usual. Mommy gets the kitchen knife to defend herself. He doesn't like that. Not-one-bit. So - me watching - he takes the knife to her, laughing while he does it! Turns to me, and he says, "why so serious, son?" Comes at me with the knife... "Why so serious?" He sticks the blade in my mouth... "Let's put a smile on that face!" And...
[looks sidelong at Gambol's thug, watching the whole thing in horror]
: Why so serious?
[the Batpod emerges from an alleyway]
: Now there's a Batman!
: Sometimes the truth isn't good enough, sometimes people deserve more. Sometimes people deserve to have their faith rewarded...
[Gordon meets his wife after he faked his death]
: I'm, sorry, dear, but i couldn't risk anybody finding out for the sake of your life and...
[Gordon's wife slaps him and embraces him]
[the Joker has kidnapped Rachel and Dent]
: You know, I really thought you were Dent, the way you went to save her...
[Batman loses control and goes to work on the Joker]
[Rachel discovers Dent's coin is two-faced]
: [smiling sardonically] You make your own luck...
: Lightly irradiated bills. Fancy stuff for a city cop. Have help?
: We liase with various agencies.
: Save it, Gordon. I want to meet him.
[Loeb causally has a sip while Gordon worries about him]
: Come on, Jim! Where would they get my DNA anyway?
: Well, they can get it from any surface: a paper, a door, or your glasses... Don't drink that!
[Too late: Loeb starts choking... ]
: Because sometimes the truth isn't good enough.
[insert cut: Alfred burns the envelope from Rachel]
: Sometimes, people deserve more.
: Listen, Dent, I swear to God I didn't know what they were gonna do to you.
: That's funny...
[pulls out coin]
: 'Cause I don't know what's gonna happen to you either.
: The joker chose me!
: Because you were the best of us. He wanted to prove that even someone as good as you could fall.
: And he was right.
: You're the one pointing the gun, Harvey. So point it at the people responsible.
: Fair enough.
[to Batman]
: You first.
[Flips the coin]
: [Shoots Batman and points the gun at himself]
: My turn.
: [the Joker interrupts a meeting between Lau and Gotham's criminals] Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha oh hee hee ha ah ooh hee ha ha. And I thought my jokes were bad.
: Give me one reason why I shouldn't have my boy here pull your head off.
: How about a magic trick?
[pulls out a pencil]
: I'm gonna make this pencil disappear.
[slams Gambol's thug's head into pencil]
: Ta-da! It's... it's gone. Oh and about the suit. It wasn't cheap. You oughta know: you bought it.
[Gambol gets up in anger]
: Sit. I want to hear proposition.
: Let's wind the clocks back a year. These cops and lawyers wouldn't dare cross any of you. I mean what happened? Did... did your balls drop off? Hmm? You see a guy like me...
: [interrupts] A freak.
: A guy... like me... Look, listen. I know why you choose to have your little group therapy sessions here in broad daylight. I know why you're afraid to go out at night; the Batman. You see, Batman has shown Gotham your true colors unfortunately. Dent, he's just the beginning. And, and as for the television's so-called plan? Batman has no jurisdiction. He'll find him, and make him squeal. I know the squealers when I see them and...
[points at Lau]
: What do you propose?
: It's simple: We, uh, kill the Batman.
[everyone laughs]
: If it's so simple, why haven't you done it already?
: If you're good at something, never do it for free.
: How much you want?
: Uh... half.
[everyone laughs again]
: You're crazy.
: I'm not. No, I'm not. If we don't deal with this now, soon little uh, Gambol here won't be able to get a nickel for his grandma.
: Enough from the clown!
: [reveals the inside of his jacket, which has five hand grenades with the pins attached to a thread tied to the Joker's finger] Ah-ta-ta-ta-ta! Let's not "blow" this out of proportion.
: You think you can steal from us and just walk away?
: Yeah.
: I'm puttin' the word out: 500 hundred grand for this clown dead. A million alive so I can teach him some manners first.
: Alright, so listen. Why don't you give me a call when you want to start taking things a little more seriously? Here's my card.
[leaves joker card on the table and walks away]
: [On the plan to capture Lau] Now I must say compared to your usual requests, jumping out of an airplane is pretty straightforward.
: And what about getting back into the plane?
: I'd recommend a good travel agent.
: Without it landing.
: Now that's more like it, Mr. Wayne. The CIA had a program back in the 60s for getting their people out of hotspots called Skyhook. We could look into that.
: [the Joker has Brain Douglas captured and is recording him] Tell them your name.
: Brian... Douglas.
: Are you the real Batman?
: No.
: No?
: No.
: No? Then why do you dress up like him?
[grabs Brian's mask and dangles it in front of the camera]
: whooo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
: Because he's a symbol that we don't have to be afraid of scum like you.
: Oh you do, Brian. You really do. Yeah. Oh shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. So, you think Batman's made Gotham a better place? Hmm? Look at me. LOOK AT ME!
[turns camera to himself]
: You see? This is how crazy Batman's made Gotham! You want order in Gotham? Batman must take off his mask and turn himself in. Oh, and every day he doesn't, people will die. Starting tonight. I'm a man of my word.
[laughs]
[the night Gordon is shot, his wife opens her door and sees Stephens and Ramirez]
: Barbara...
: [breaking down] No!
: I'm so sorry...
[She hugs him, sobbing]
: Are you up there? I know you're there! You did this! You brought this craziness on us!
[Batman, perched above Gordon's door, hangs his head]
: [holding a gun to Gordon's son's head]
: Tell your son it's going to be alright, Gordon. Lie, like I lied.
: It'll be okay, son.
[after visiting the scarred Dent in the hospital, Gordon emerges and sees Maroni there, leaning on a cane]
: [embarrassed] This has got out of hand. It's gone too far.
: You should have thought of that before you let that clown out of the box.
[while fighting with Batman, Joker knocks him down and raises a knife]
: All the old familiar places...
: You spat in the faces of Gotham's worse criminals. Did you not expect casualties? Things were always going to get worse before they got better.
: Where are they?
: You have absolutely nothing to threaten me with...
