When I feel began to old, once again, I try to write something, try to record some what. For example, lost youth, had young frivolous years......
Throw away the writing pen has for a long time, when I decided to give up writing into business, but found that this world, seems to be only text can bring me the best and most enduring comfort, the discovery, let me at some point, the heart gives birth to despair.
Just at the moment, in a quarter before, I stay in the doorway of my little sun, sun, the sun, began to find the sun run fast, I changed several times position to catch up with it, is always a time and again fell in the shadows. I came back to back, again picked up dustier diary, want to try to record what.
Seem to have a lot of words is to say, but for a while and don't know where to start. Feel the old heart is the things these days, who said, a person's old is not is the accumulation of time, maybe is just a moment things. When I realized that his heart can never go back to that state before the warm, like pond stagnant water can call wan can't afford a passion, I found myself old.
These days, is often shed a tear, to the sunshine also often is in your eyes, I is specially designed to insolate leaves in the sun, but when I found that his heart in the sunshine also or cold empty, once again, I was desperate.
I am very want to ask, to the ruthlessly to shout a voice: what is covered my sunshine? Let me again and again in the shadows fall......
Some people seem to be don't want to talk about the but again always will mention, just like some things always wanted to forget but never really forget. In a moment, a place, a familiar scene, it will once again a spooky god sent to jump out, it will occupy your memory, your mind disturbed, even let you out of control, think to empty city ruthlessly cry a.
Life go today as if is seen as the end of the can, there seemed little I can go to look forward and fantasy.
I don't know, I whether because the feelings of the missing since childhood, so has been in the world looking for a fundamental that don't exist? I have been struggling in pursuit of what is? And I've been eager to want life is also?
I really feel old. Often hear an afternoon music himself, or the whole night to night movie, or a cup of tea sitting in the sun, the time so softly passed from my body, I can grab what? Sometimes I think, maybe so for the rest of my life!
XiaZi when I saw him, I was busy store, want to give the Christmas tree hung up some lights, add a few lively flavor. Since since winter, outdoor store has been in a state of cold and cheerless. He went to the store around at a week, ask, I can wear clothes? I said, those new to the leisure men's clothing series, to try it. He tried it, upper body effect is very good. Say, want to....... I give him packing, and then we go out for dinner.
In the shop, I and he talked about wood Yang, I said, and he gave the new girl friend, I feel very failure, once we chat very deep, talk about this topic, he felt that I'm not fit to be his wife. XiaZi say, don't say these, all in the past and this time you look good. I said, in the past, ever let me die again and again, all say so, this world, return true not forget things.
We have a meal, to two cups of coffee, he drink hill, I ordered macchiato. Then he said, this cup coffee harm he passed a restless night.
The second day, I call to wood Yang, he said in the library, and can't wait to hang my phone. I said, I so let you impatient? He said, you and no, no don't hang why. I say, nothing can call? He said, have no matter dozen what phone ah. I said, not talk? He said, chat chat, talk about what? I said, literally, to hear voice is all right, also you some friends. He said, you don't just boring? Boring to find me. I say is not, only to be idle down to up friend is you several people. He said, I am very not easy to quiet down and do some reading, you again to bother me. Your letter not letter which day I would go to killing yourself, you don't regret. And I said, what do you mean? He said, it means nothing. Hang.
I'm confused, things is not over for a long time? Isn't he...... , the mood somehow bad up.
Shut the computer, put on the bag out of the door, go home! Say to let nature take its course of life, don't for anyone anything will kill a cat. The lights of the winter night, in the air appearing filar silk of deep cold meaning, I shrink were neck and step forward to walk.
Christmas is coming. Every year at Christmas is my birthday, was going to find a few people to get together sometime, but that day to call wood Yang, he said not to take part in my birthday party. At this point can't up all the volunteers. I'm a little confused, don't understand his feelings, but he is one of my friends, I have so much necessary?
Still in my heart, he is not a molecularly imprinted with the pulse, and I still not forget for a moment?
I never forget that in what is also?
Love, what on earth is it? It really exists in this world? Still, it's simply lonely men and women and their own fantasy out of the same thing, since the ornament with sent and bland, day after day, a long time.
Remember and wood YangGang know, he once asked me a question, he said, why are you QQ signature says: love like suicide. I'm on the QQ reply him, I said, after waiting for you in love will know the answer. Then he asked me, "he said." do you think what is love? I say, love it, you want me to get it by definition, I really don't know what to say, anyway the men and women in different season, the pace is different also, after waiting for you oneself be in love again slowly experience!
Later, when we're acquainted from each other to produce the DaoBuMing cannot tell the feelings and then broke up again to fight the point of silos, I was away tears becomes aware some words, for example, that year discussed "love of the four seasons", I remember that I was so said:
"Men and women of different season, the love is not the same pace, a couple in love, will have a similar feel: when he was in one of the season to be, she also in hibernation; when he enters the summer of love, she had just entered into the spring, began to feel beautiful spring is in the air, and like this kind of feeling; but when her this kind of feeling more and more strong and gradually into a warm summer, his summer has ended, but increasingly the bleak autumn into....... She began to have dissatisfaction, don't understand why this is so, the heart is born, and her heart disappointed also enter the autumn; then his heart began to precipitation, hibernate, her heart also follow precipitation, hibernate, the last two personal separate again, looking for another spring, to start a new cycle of the four seasons, repeated the same story."
Of course, there are many end is good, but it's not love, for example, there are many love turns into family love, friendship, and then everlasting, water out, and that's the end of the best. Love life is so long, long again after it is no longer love.......
