keywords: reborn, individual, cultural differences, human experience
In Buddhism, when someone dies, his or her soul is “reborn” as another human or animal. Well, I'm not a Buddhist, but when I came to China, I felt like I was a baby all over again. I arrived, and all I wanted to do was sleep because of jet lag. I got a new name, but I didn't really understand what it meant. I couldn't say anything, and everything sounded like gibberish to me. I couldn't get my own food—someone had to order it for me. I couldn't even go to the bathroom on my own because I couldn't read “male” or “female!”
I had to learn the alphabet (pinyin) and sounds all over again. I had to re-learn the concepts of clean and dirty, polite and rude, time and personal space. Everyone told me to be careful crossing the street, and to wear more clothes so I would stay warm. As much as I felt like a 25-year-old child, I appreciated the “mothering” my friends gave me—it helped me adjust better and avoid being homesick the first few months.
When I talk to western friends who live in Guangxi, they sometimes joke, “In a previous life, I was a computer systems administrator,” or, “I was a mathematician in my previous incarnation.”And I know what they mean. Our experience and skills were often useless in our new language and culture. Suddenly we were incompetent and unsure, surprised as fish out of water. We were helpless infants, pushed from our comfortable womb of familiarity into a bright, noisy world we didn't understand. No wonder newborns cry and want their mothers.
After graduating from college, I lived by myself in a new city for the first time. I began to make my own life, to be recognized for my own accomplishments and personality, to stretch socially. But in the end, I had to come to China to really understand myself as an individual. No one here knew me, and most found that I did not fit their concept of what Americans are supposed to be like. Building new friendships, learning to communicate, understanding cultural differences—all of these things showed me how rich the human experience is if you don't take it for granted.
I started out pointing and nodding with shopkeepers, but soon could put recently learned phrases to use. With practice, I could finally eat noodles with chopsticks. My first friends were all English majors, happy to help me with Mandarin and shopping while practicing their English. They and some foreign friends helped me choose between local colleges, rent an apartment, and buy household items. I was glad for their help, but made sure to do less important things on my own.
I was excited to see my progress as an individual, but at the same time, I began to realize my dependence on others, my need to connect with those around me. I thought it mattered to make a life on my own, but after accomplishing that, I realized there was something missing. I had to live in China to see my need to share life with others. I had to “be reborn” into a new culture to balance the values of individuality and society.
