Lost happiness

 People always like to pursue happiness, but never know exactly what is happiness? When happiness still around, you never to notice; Once the happiness away from you, you will pick up once you discarded happiness, and began to have mercy on it, it began to indulge in it, but again lost sight of all things. My happiness is also like this.
The previous father is optimistic and cheerful. Then we home economy is very short of money, have no money to buy a car, but father always "naughty" and we kidding, said: "the car have what good, let's small division also carsick! Or motorcycle good, pull at to breathe the fresh air, the whole body is happy!" Just at that time I didn't ask his father: "the rain, snow day, motorcycle do?" Because I know the father taking pains, just to give us a comfort.
Remember, a big boil over the last lesson, I am pleased to rush home, only to see his father had already waiting at the station, and keep beside him is still the motorcycle, my eyes some hair astringent, hurried past, urged his voice at, go home quickly. When it is dark, pass by the beautiful south lake, couldn't help but take out a cellular phone, took pictures of the beautiful lake. The lake of many alternative place, now have already lights, before the day pass by, never a moment move feeling, but this moment I was thrilled, this is my kind of life, rural town, whether, quiet quiet, as if with the outside of the noise isolation, the dust out. Think of home and mama they are waiting for us home for dinner, like the flower that happiness in my heart bloom.
And now, father changed, he that bubble laughter by accident and disappeared, and the day watching the father was blue, my heart in vaguely pain, because I really can't. I can try to do you can do, and even those who once he expected but and I intend to ignored when, I also will do, as long as the father can happy a smile. After all, he used to be so love to laugh. And now his life only gloomy, let us all in the depressed tonal in, only because his father he thinks he is not a normal person. Life, in his now, is a miracle and be fooled stage. In the dusk, a trickle of, flies away in the programme, tender of the branches are made him feel disappointed.
All these changes are from last winter began. It was just started to cold, mother suddenly news came, father out of the car accident, is still in the coma...... It was on that day with the drizzle, I rushed into intensive care in panic, see the face blood's father, I stood still, feels the whole world collapses.
In a coma after nine days, father finally have some consciousness, but like a child like, all the day noisy want to go home, we can only cheat to coax. Mother cried, and the people around him were in tears. And I, have been brimming with tears not fall down. Because, I know, father must not hope I before him cry. In neurosurgery did more than 20 days of the brain after surgical operation, the father's hands began to move the surgery, father painful kept tears, I have been beside whispered comfort, hold his hand, the hope can give him some power eliminate pain. Because the pain after the operation, the father of only a few years old IQ is equivalent to a child. But know that great much will by analgesia damage the brain, again how pain father will not use it. Brimming with said to his mother: "that nurses to take it, and it doesn't hurt me." And while he does not pay attention to the fear we press it, father's eyes staring at analgesia has been great. The more I feel pain, I understand father must be afraid of the brain will also damaged, he didn't want this lifetime will be a basket case.
Car accident after hospital discharge, father sullen all day, and rarely go out. Look at the father of sitting all day, but I rarely speak to him. I tried to comfort him, but don't speak of, because I'm afraid to, I'm afraid I might hurt his carelessly. Sometimes, see him have glanced over at my study, again afraid I found, so XunJi leave, the lonely lonely figure, let my heart started to produce a grief and indignation. I blame him, I hate him, why should he not so careful. His car accident has brought not only to his lifelong disability, also broke our family happiness. I have been so deep in the depression to extricate themselves. A month's winter vacation life, should have enjoy of I but the heart be subjected to torture. I'm not happy, but I didn't tell anyone, because I have to pretend to be strong. I admit that, at that time I is weak, how many times I heart is bleeding, how many times I hide in the room and pulled the quilt silent cry. That time, I to the real disappointment even despair, I think I'm too cruel of fate. And the father? For the traffic accident, he gave our just explain simple words: children, all blame father very unlucky. I hate him this superstition, hate him this are frightening the open-minded, hate him this does not want to assume responsibility of attitude. I'm hiding from a coma in the winter vacation, I would rather lethargy. Because I was still in forced himself, also make the world believe that this is just a nightmare, wake up, you can get back to the past. Because in the Yangtze river number seven ", the little hero in his father died after falling from a building do the same, same chow when accepting a reporter to interview, also said that one of his friends to walk forever, he did the same. Remember when I listen to it and feel very funny, art is really from reality ah. But now, I had to admit that, in the face of disaster, you will consciously to believe in normally you can't admit that things. This kind of practice, just the most humble human destiny to protest against the way. And I, I also believe that a winter vacation...... Just wake up in the moment, numb to take a and a dream of broken, actually, I was still there, and covered herself all the heartache, so no one read my sorrow.