不要一悔再悔

TED[不要一悔再悔]笔记
 

   what is regret?regret  is the emotion we experience when we think that our present situation could be better or happier if we had done something different in the past. So in other words ,regret requires two things.It requires,first of all ,agency -- we had to make decision in first place.And second of all,it requires imagination.we need to be able to imagine going back and making a different choice,and then we need to be able to kind of spool imaginary record forward! And imaging how things would be playing  out in our present.And in fact,the more we have of either of thses things the more agency and the more imagination with respect to a given regret! the more acute that regret  will be.

 What do we regret most in life?

 Top six regrets the things we regret most in life.
  

 

  Number one by far,education.33 percent of all of our regrets.pertain to decisions we made about education.we wish we'd gotten more of it .we wish we'd taken better advantage of the  education that we did have. We wish we'd chosen to study a different topic.Others very high on our list of regrets include career,romance,parenting.Various decisions and choices about  our sense of self .And how we spend our leisure time.Or actually more specifically how we fail to spend our leisure time.The remaining regrets pertain to thses things:finace,family issues related to romance or parenting,health,friends,spirituality and community.

 For things that we actually do really care about and do experience profound regret around, what does that experience feel like ? We        all know that short answer.It feels terriable .Regret feels awful.but it turns out that regret feels awful in four very specific and consistent ways:

1.Denial   否定 Make it go away!

2.Bewilderment 困惑感   how could i have done that?

3.Publishment  惩罚 I could kick myself!

4.Perseveration 持续症

 

 So how are we supposed to live with this? I want to suggest that there's three things? That help us to make our peace with regret.

 1.To take some comfort in its universality. 安慰自己这太普遍了。

 2.To laugh at ourselves.                            自嘲

 3.Through the passage of time.                 通过时间来抚平伤口

 what is important to me?

 How important it felt to keep exporing.

 How important it is to somehow keep an eye on your own true north

  if we have goals and dreams and we want do our best,and if we love people and we don't want to hurt them or lose them,we should feel pain when things go wrong.The point isn't to live without any  regrets.The point is not to hate ourselves for having them .we need to learn to love,the flawed,imperfect things that we cerate and to forgive ourselves for creating them .Regrets doesn't remind us that we did badly.It reminds us that we know we can   do  better.

 如果我们有目标和梦想，而且我们想做到最好，如果我们爱我们周围的人，而且不想伤害或者失去他们。那么，当我们有过失的时候，我们会感到痛苦。这里的关键不是没有后悔，关键是不要因为后悔而去厌恶自己。 

 我们需要学会去爱那些我们创造的有缺陷的，不完美的事物，去原谅我们所创造的这些不完美。后悔不是提醒我们做的很糟糕，而是提醒我们，我们可以做的更好。

 原课程