If you ask most people what the opposite of talking is, they will
say it is listening. The truth, though, is that the opposite of talking
is waiting to talk. Pay attention to conversations and you will see
that there is very little listening going on. Each person is waiting to
speak their mind, nearly heedless of what the other person is really
saying.
Learning the art of listening can help you become more
in business and in your personal life. You can develop deeper
friendships, keener professional awareness, and a more meaningful
understanding with your partner. You can experience greater fulfillment
in your relationships due to conversations holding a deeper meaning.
Honing
your listening skills is not difficult. Once you make the conscious
decision to become a better listener, and practice a few simple
exercises, you will develop a greater insight into what people are
really saying.
Words do not Convey the True Story:
If you are only listening on a superficial level, you may hear the
words another is saying, but you likely will not gain the true
understanding behind the story, or the hidden truths that are being
concealed.
When you ,
you can hear the different voice inflections that give you indications
of the other person’s emotional state, or even to their truthfulness.
If you listen closely you will be able to tell if the other person is
nervous, afraid, sad, depressed, or elated. Combining these verbal
clues with the spoken words helps the listener decipher the emotional
undertones behind a story. They may allow the listener to make
preliminary judgments as to the truthfulness of a story.
When
engaged in a telephone conversation, the listener is probably more
likely to notice voice inflection than if the two were talking in
person. The lack of visual clues makes the ear more aware of verbal
inflections.
Most of the Story is Silent:
The majority of communication takes place in the form of body language.
Just by watching a person you know whether they are telling the truth
or a tale, are angry or afraid, are happy or sad. Fidgeting hands,
pacing, shifting eyes, tears, and visible shaking are all examples of
possible behaviors you may witness that give clues as to the speaker’s
emotional state.
Paying attention to the eyes can give you a
good indication as to the honesty of what is being said. A person who
looks at the ground or shifts the eyes off to the side is hiding
something and could be telling you a lie. It is extremely difficult for
a person to look someone else directly into the eye and tell a lie
without flinching.
Listen to the Whole Story:
Whether you are speaking with an office colleague or a trusted friend,
pay attention to visual and auditory clues as well as to the actual
words being spoken. Noticing non-verbal language will tell you as much
or more than the spoken word and will help you to gain understanding of
the innuendo behind those words. There may be a whole lot more being
said than originally meets the eye.
In addition to watching body
language, lean in toward the speaker and offer your undivided
attention. Do not interrupt, but rather allow the speaker freedom to
let the words flow unrestrained. When you have the opportunity,
summarize what you were told and repeat it back to the speaker. This
will reinforce that you are not only listening, but understanding as
well.
Demonstrating interest in the conversation and summarizing
the conversation back to the speaker reassures the other person and
forms an intimacy between you. This is an important step towards
building rapport. Once you have come to familiar ground, the speaker
very well may continue with the conversation and reveal details they
never intended.
If this begins to happen, keep in mind the
context of your conversation and the nature of your relationship. You
may suddenly be hearing intimate details that you would prefer not to
have knowledge of, or a colleague could be giving you some very useful
information about an upcoming deal. You then need to decide whether the
conversation is beginning to eclipse your level of comfort or if
continuing to listen will compromise your integrity. From there you
will have to decide to either continue to listen or politely excuse
yourself. Some conversations may provide crucial details to helping you
, while others may begin to cross the line into confidential territory.
With
a little practice and self-discipline, it is easy to learn to be a
better listener. You can develop a deeper intimacy with your spouse,
gain a greater understanding of your children, and achieve a better
working relationship with your boss or colleagues. Learning the art of
listening can enhance all areas of your life, providing you with
greater understanding of the people around you. Just remember that you
are supposed to be listening, not waiting to talk.
