I’ve done a lot of crying
Not every parent is so successful. Debby Kintner of Somerville, Tenn., sought grief counseling after her adult daughter, and only child, ended their relationship. “It hit me like a freight train,” she said. “I sit down and comb through my memories and try to figure out which day was it that it went wrong. I don’t know.”
Ms. Kintner talks of life as a single parent, raising an honor student who insisted her mother accompany her on a class trip to London, a college student who made frequent calls and visits home. Things changed after her daughter began an on-again, off-again relationship with a boyfriend and moved back home after becoming pregnant. Arguments about her daughter’s decision to move in with the man and Ms. Kintner’s refusal to give her daughter a car eventually led to estrangement. She now has no contact with her daughter or three grandchildren.
“I knew parents and children had fights, but there was enough love to come back together,” Ms. Kintner said. “This is your mother who gave you a nice life and loved you.’ “
Judith, a mother in Augusta, Ga., who asked that her last name not be used, tells of a loving, creative daughter who experienced a turbulent adolescence. At college graduation, the parents were shocked when their daughter unleashed an angry tirade about her childhood. Later, the daughter asked for financial help paying for an Ivy League graduate school. The parents agreed, but a visit to see her on the East Coast was marred by another round of harsh words and accusations. They withdrew their financial support and returned home.
“I’ve done a lot of crying,” said Judith, who has sought therapy to cope. “I’m very depressed. All the holidays are sad, and we don’t have any closure on this. She was so wanted. She was so loved. She still is loved. We want her in our life.”
Dr. Coleman says he believes parental estrangement
Tarpsis a “silent epidemic,” because many parents are ashamed to admit they’ve lost contact with their children.
